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A New Type Of Relationship

Okay guys, how come I get all these genius thought and ideas for blog posts when I DON’T HAVE TO BLOG?! I guess that’s just one of my personality traits


Alright, so I have come close to that topic before in my "When Past Is Trying To Attack" post where I gave you my thoughts about texting your crushes and shit. Now I want to talk specifically about texting your exes.

I just get this weird feeling that drunk texting is a new kind of relationship. I swear I do and I even all of my messed up views on relationships don’t help me to freaking get it.

You hook up with/sleep with/date a person, right? Good. You have a good time together but then one of you decides to move on, which is completely natural and understandable. If it’s you who decided to move on then you should move on, if the second party thought of that then you should just accept it and move on too. That’s how I look at things.

And if you have moved on you can keep a good friendly relationship, correct? Damn correct! But good friendly relationship doesn’t freaking mean that you should call that person every time you get drunk and talk to them about your problems. Guess what, angel face? There’s no heaven on earth. Everyone has problems and everyone is trying to figure their shit out. And no one is supposed to do that for you. Well, your friends might want to participate and notify you about it, but DEFINITELY not your goddamn ex.

Get some freaking dignity. First of all periodically calling someone in the middle of the night is simply rude and for me is a sign of disrespect. I might love you, I might care about you but I don’t want to be woken up by your “hi, how are you?” in the middle of the night. You wanna talk to me – text me during day hours when you are freaking sober. I am not your girlfriend, I am not your friend, I am not your buddy. I am your ex, who was retarded enough to keep a good relationship when we broke up, so please don’t make me regret it. I am not gonna sit here with a cup of coffee at f*cking 4 in the morning and listen to your complaints about how tough your life is. In situations like this I might get only 2 questions - if you were the one who broke up with me, it’s: “da hell do you want?” and if I was the initiator of our break up then it’s: ‘’da hell did you not understand?”.

I am not trying to be a bitch here, guys, I really am not. I realize that sometimes people need someone special to talk to and I am really flattered when they chose me to be that someone. It’s just that I hate when this becomes a habit and people start texting and calling me in the middle of the night every time they get a drink. This is not right. Especially if they rarely or never do that during the day. This is a very selfish and irresponsible behavior, which is hardly ever appreciated.

And yes, I can pretty much see girls going like: “Oh, and what if he has realized he was a complete idiot and wants to get back with me?”. Why girls? Cuz that’s a typical girly stupidity ignorance. No honey, if he realized he was wrong, then he would be at your house with a wagon of flowers saying how sorry his ass is. The end.

If he’s drunk texting you in the middle of a night it means that he just needs someone who will listen to him and feel sympathetic and tell him how big of a bitch his life is. Please! You really want that? You really wanna be used like that? Doubt it.

So here’s my advice to everyone out there. If you are the one who likes to drunk text people: drop it. If you are the one who has to deal with it: drop it.



I am out.
ZerO To The Bone  

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A Song With An Inappropriate Name

Okay, guys, I am staring at this empty page right now and I have nooo damn clue what to write about. Blogger's block again, I guess. Plus I am having some intense convo with my friend and the last thing I can do right now is concentrate. So, I'm just dropping off my song with an inappropriate name



Verse 1:
Walking outside one day
I met the strangest creature
Human with huge white wings
Holding a gun
I was confused at first
But the angel explained to me
That in order to defeat an evil
Good boys need guns
Ridiculous, ain’t it?
Angels with guns?
It’s an irony, get it?
I am just tryina have fun
The moral of the story is that lies are dumb
Just like the liars that tell ‘em with their mouths like dumps

Chorus:
You will never know
And I won’t explain
Why, how and what for
We are so vain
Stuck with sickness
And who we are
All that we want
We will never get and
All that we said
Will forget and
All we want is to get laid,
Stoned, f*cked and drunk


Verse 2:
How does it feel now:
Dreams crushed to dust?
You’ve nowhere to run now
No matter how damn fast
Set up the timer and self destruct
Lose yourself to forget the past
It’s so much easier to run away
Willingly sink in your ocean of shame
It’s so much easier to hide the pain
Silence yourself with a dose of cocaine

Bridge:
Laid, stoned, f*cked, drunk
Laid, stoned, f*cked, drunk
Laid, stoned, f*cked, drunk
Laid, stoned, f*cked, drunk

Chorus:
You will never know
And I won’t explain
Why, how and what for
We are so vain
Stuck with sickness
And who we are
All that we want
We will never get and
All that we said
Will forget and
All we want is to get laid,
Stoned, f*cked and drunk


ZerO To The Bone

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What I Value The Most

Yo, what's up?

As you hopefully know, today is Tuesday. So, say "hi" to another Young Adult blog post.

The question that I often ask my friends and myself is: what is it you value in people the most? I used to think it was loyalty, honesty, bla bla bla. No. A couple of days ago I realized that I am grateful to a totally different category of people. Those, who can accept me the way I am.


And trust me I am very, very and very far from being a well-rounded individual. I have some pretty messed up past, pretty messed up views on life and certain aspects of it. I know it cuz I can feel it: sometimes I say things that pretty much burn the tip of my tongue before I even spit them out but I can't change the way I think or feel about something, can I? It is what it is.

Therefore, I am really lucky to have people, that I can share all this mess with and still feel like it's okay. I mean I still get that "Shit, what am I talking about?!" feeling but that's not because I am afraid of being misunderstood. No, it's because I regret having these views on stuff.

I know a lot of people say "I will love you no matter what kind of person you are". Great, thanks, but that doesn't mean you won't have any unrealistic expectations about me. Cuz most people do. And you know what is killing me? Seeing how hurt they get when they realize that you can't be that thing they want you to be.


I don't want people having ANY expectations about me. I want them to see who I am from my actions. Having a good fantasy is great but there's a huge chance of their deep disappointment. I just don't want that happening.

I gave up on having expectations about people loooong ago. It's very simple: no expectations = no disappointments. Try it someday, you might like it.

And again: just care less!

I am out!
ZerO To The Bone

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My Little Monster

Good morning! Guess who has just written a song? Nope, you're wrong Me!

So here's the deal. I have one ex-best friend, who is being a total bitch cuz she has been coming to my dreams about three times a week lately. I haven't talked to her for about a year - we stopped communicating in the middle of last August after 12 years of being best friends. Yep, pretty messed up stuff. Anyways, "I Am Not Ready To Die Yet" has been the only song that was written for her... until today. I had another very warm dream with her starring in the main role, so I woke up and started singing some random phrases while making myself coffee. Then I grabbed a pen and wrote these phrases down. Here's what I got:

Verse #1:
I just wanna stop and come home
Be silent or maybe cry
I completely forgot
How your skin felt pressed against mine
You're not the best friend I know
I am not the best one for you
But what we had all these years
Was so amazing and true

Chorus:
My little monster
My little monster
I am sorry I hurt you
I didn't want to
And all that we thought to
Be good to believe
I swear I'll remember
To see in my dreams


Verse #2:
I know I've made up my mind
There's no more love
There's no hate
And for the rest of my life
I'll live with choices I've made
I guess some things are just too
Messed up to simply be fixed
We had this mess shared by two
I don't regret anything

Chorus:
My little monster
My little monster
I am sorry I hurt you
I didn't want to
And all that we thought to
Be good to believe
I swear I'll remember
To see in my dreams

Bridge/Outro:
This ain't a story of love
This is the one of connection
About seeing your friend
Where you should see your reflection....



ZerO To The Bone

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Careless/Care Less

Yo, kiddos! How ya doing?

Have you ever waken up in that "I wanna punch someone in face" mood? Well, that's how I woke up today. And my light annoying headache in the background didn't make me see the world as a piece of heaven either. Anyways so I was just sitting there drinking my coffee hoping it will pass and I won't be feeling pissed off for the rest of the day when all of a sudden I turn one song on and... I am super cool, super chill and I just don't give a single damn about anything in my life. Amazing feeling of being myself.

See, that's just how I am: I don't really care about stuff. However, when this "stuff" keeps happening and falling on my head in a very insisting manner I start to give in and think about it too much.

This song was just so free, ironic and cool that it kinda reminded me that life is much much easier once you start giving less damn about random shit.

Just think about it. Why should we cry? Why should we listen to sad songs? Why should we write them in the first place? They never change anything, so why waste meaningless words and not needed feelings? And everything else can relate to that: work, dissatisfaction, etc.

So this is an advice I give you from my personal experience: care less. And be cool like me 



P.S: here's the song. Sorry it's in Russian:



I am out.
Forever at your service
ZerO To The Bone

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Those Things That Make The World Go Round

I know I haven't written anything for a very long time and I have ignored my responsibilities to post every Tuesday but hey, guys, listen up. It's my freaking summer break. All I wanna do is sleep, watch movies, write music and chill with my people. I don't want to write anything cuz I just don't. I am very relaxed, not caring and mellow just as I am supposed to be. I am good here.  All I ask for is a little respect of my laziness

Anyways, I guess I am back and I am blogging tonight. And I am blogging about my thoughts on feelings cuz I've been having talks on that subject a lot lately so I have something to say.


The very first thing that I don't understand about some people is their manner of always saying "We" when they are in a relationship. Like "We think", "We might see", "We love/feel". And the last one is just great. Feelings like love/hate/liking/etc. they aren't something you can have at the same time. You can't share the exact same feeling on everything. Phrases like that are ridiculous and I just refuse to understand. You are together, you love each other, you are soul mates - it's great. But you can't just decide for the other person what they feel about stuff.

Second thing I don't understand or more like refuse to understand is the phrase "my feelings are wrong". This is an universal bullshit. Feelings can't be controlled, they can't be made up. They are born in your heart naturally and you aren't the one to blame for you having them. Call goddamn mother nature and tell her your complaints.


Again, there's no such thing as "right". To you "right" is something that fits in the frames of your morals and principles, to me it's something that fits in frames of mine. And these two "rights" can be totally different things. See, now logically, if there's no right then there's no wrong. Therefore your feelings aren't wrong, they just cause an inner conflict but that doesn't mean you can't or not supposed to have them. We constantly face and experience these inner struggles so why would you make that one any different?

Now moving on to the subject of likes/crushes/in loves/loves. In my opinion you can have lots of likes and crushes (just like I told you I do haha). Like is when you are attracted to a person on a physical or mental level, when you like seeing them, talking to them. Crush is when you think about a person a lot, miss them, want them to be around often, when your body goes crazy and stuff.

Being in love. Lots of people confuse it with love but these are totally different feelings. Being in love is like having a very strong crush, carrying and worrying about the person, needing the person. Being tolerant, patient and forgiving in some ways. It's spontaneous and crazy, makes your head go round.

Love. Oh, God, where do I begin. Love is amazing. It's not spontaneous. You can't fight it no matter how hard you try, no matter how hurt you are. You will forgive everything that you thought you would never forgive and sacrifice everything you have, even the most valuable things. Why? Because nothing else really matters.

You can be in love without loving and you can love someone without being in love. Being in love is not a permanent feeling - it comes, leaves and comes again and while it does that you can have likes and crushes. But when you love... hm. I don't think I will write about that.

This post is getting too long... Oh, well. Gonna stop right here, I guess.
Take care and enjoy the rest of the summer!

ZerO To The Bone  

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Nameless

"Well, to say you stop loving someone you once loved more than anything else in the world...would be a lie. But you move on, don't you? You have to move on."


- Dr. Cal Lightman, "Lie To Me"



I kept asking myself one question: how do I know my feelings are real and how can I tell it's that one and only true LOVE?
The answer happened to be very simple: I've hugged hundreds of people in my life. Only when hugging you I felt like for a moment I was in heaven.


This is going to be the shortest post I've ever written. Sorry.
The post is nameless. No signature.

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